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Monday, June 30th, 2008
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10:21 pm - People are Loco
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Wow, haven't written in ages. I suppose it doesn't matter since no one could possibly still be reading this anymore.
I feel like a child that has just figured out Santa Claus is a fraud. People are liars - even more so than what we do on a regular basis to manipulate to get our own way (lets be honest).
Being a big advocate of therapy, I feel like we all should learn to take inventory of ourselves and figure out how we can improve. It's really scary to get this sinking sensation that everyone out there are a bunch of crazy-ass coco puffs and there is nothing you can do about it but brace yourself for this reality. I accept a level of crazy (in fact, I embrace it) but still.
That is really all there is for now.
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| Monday, February 26th, 2007
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10:01 pm
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Birthday is coming up so I am inspired to write a word or two. Things in general are going OK for me. I had planned on venturing into the city on the insistence of friends with D and JD in tow. Unfortunately, every Wednesday I have the mind-numbing 7:30 a.m. management meeting to attend (for the love of all that is holy!). I know that by the day’s end I will be way too exhausted to do anything interesting. In addition, D is going through drama, JD is going through drama…really don’t feel much like celebrating.
What is a girl to do? Thankfully, Lost is on Wednesday night which is all the gift I need (hush all you haters).
Another great gift is to genuinely be happy for someone you love. The picture attached is an amazing woman whose dress was designed by my very good friend. Can I say how proud I am? MG, you are fabulous….
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| Friday, December 1st, 2006
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10:33 pm - Savannah January 1993-November 2006
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When some proud son of man returns to
earth,
Unknown to glory, but upheld by birth,
The sculptor's art exhausts the pomp of
woe,
And storied urns record who rest below:
When all is done, upon the tomb is seen,
Not what he was, but what he should have
been:
But the poor dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first ot welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his master's
own,
Who labors, fights, lives, breathes for him
alone,
Unhonored falls, unnoticed all his worth,
Denied in heaven the soul he held on
earth:
While man, vain insect! hopes to be for-
given,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.
Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power,
Who knows thee well must quit thee with
disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship is all a cheat,
Thy smiles hypocrisy, thy words deceit!
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush
for shame.
Ye! who perchance behold this simple urn,
Pass on - it honors none you wish to mourn:
To mark a friend's remains these stones
arise;
I never knew but one, - and here he lies.
Lord Byron
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| Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
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10:34 pm
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Paris was amazing but Savannah's illness overshadows any notion I have about discussing what happened there. One day I will talk about it in great detail.
For now, Savannah's strength astonishes me. Over and over the vets say she will die tonight and she continues to shock us all. Spleen removed, cancer growing inside, she still managed to jump on the couch to chill out.
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| Sunday, November 19th, 2006
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7:47 pm - Oui Oui!
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HOLY HOLY CRAP!
Booked my ticket OMG Trevor and I are going to Paris for Thanksgiving. I'm so excited can't sit still long enough to write something more worthy of the occasion.
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| Monday, November 6th, 2006
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1:49 am - Savannah
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I sent this e-mail to a bunch of friends, thought I post it here as well.
Savannah came home and is back to her normal self (IE: getting into the garbage and begging for food). She is more energetic and alert than she has been in quite some time. I can't believe how quickly she's been able to bounce back from such a major surgery. You can bet that if I were to have my spleen removed, I certainly wouldn't be walking around eating everything in sight.
Savannah's biopsy came back positive for Hemangiosarcoma (vascular cancer). It's a scary diagnosis but we're confident the surgery will at least give her more time. There is a chance the doctor removed all the cancer but vascular cancer is an aggressive disease, attacking the spleen, liver, lungs and heart. If the cancer has indeed metastasised, the prognosis is 3-8 weeks (although some studies say 6-8 months depending). The doctor gave me the option of chemotherapy which I've decided against undergoing. I would rather have Savannah happy for a few more months than sickly for her remaining days.
Having not seen any additional tumors inside of her, the doctor thinks there is a chance we got rid of it all. Should this be the case, we've got her for a few more years. I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, as they say.
Thanks for all your kind words and encouragement. They've meant a lot to me.
Hope you are all doing well and giving your doggies extra kisses!
Natasha
I hate to send an impersonal e-mail such as this to all of you but I
wanted to share what's been going on the past week with Savannah.
Some of you already know a few of the details.
Last week I brought Savannah to the vet after she began collapsing.
Despite her age (13), she's active and alert so you can imagine how
alarmed I became. The vet examined her and suspected a mass in her
spleen had begun to rupture and that she was bleeding internally. He
sent me home and told me she would die peacefully that night but there
was a small chance the bleeding would stop on its own. Even if the
bleeding did stop, the prognosis was not good; Savannah would die
within the next few days as the mass would no doubt rupture once
again. Savannah did perk up and we decided to get a sonogram to make
certain a splenic mass was indeed the cause of her problem. The
sonogram detected an eight-cm mass in her spleen. Because Savannah's
blood tests surpassed the levels of a dog her age, the veterinarian
recommended removing the spleen entirely. I was told NOT to get my
hopes up as it was likely this mass was cancerous and the surgery
would only reveal additional masses in her liver.
Savannah underwent a splenectomy yesterday morning and the surgery
went well. There were a total of 3 splenic masses - all essentially
ticking time-bombs. No other masses were found anywhere else!
Although we won't be entirely certain whether or not these masses were
cancerous until we receive the results of the biopsy, the doctor felt
confident that if Savannah were to survive the surgery her
prognosis would be good. Essentially, we either removed all visible
signs of cancer or the mass was not cancerous to begin with.
My vet called me with some excellent news this morning. Savannah
surpassed their expectations and has made a remarkable recovery! She
can come home today, albeit spleenless. Should everything go
according to our expectations, Savannah will be with me another 3-4
years (since her heart, liver, kidneys etc. are in excellent
condition).
We're not completely safe yet. This type of cancer is very aggressive
and there is a chance the cancer has metastasized to other areas. We
are very impressed however at how well things have gone up to this
point.
Thanks for "listening". It hasn't been an easy thing to go through.
As you know, Savannah has been with me for almost half of my life! I
know the time will come when I will loose her but in the meantime, I
will do what I can to keep her healthy and happy.
Attached is a link explaining splenic masses for those of you who do
have dogs that are getting up there in age. Apparently, people
actually remove their dogs' spleens early on as a precaution.
I'll keep you all posted on her progress. Hope you're all doing well!
Natasha
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| Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
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9:55 pm - Dancing Nat
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1:10 am
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House seemed lonely and empty after sister and nephew parted. Went to visit some friends in the city and ended up staying the night. Had a great time...
On the drive home the next morning I answered my cell phone (not hands-free) and looked to my right to find my gaze met by a police officer (unmarked car). I made my way over 3 lanes to the shoulder and accepted my fate (ie: ticket). Here's my thing(and I know I'm saying this because I am partially bitter): is it more dangerous for me to be talking on the phone or to cross three lanes during rush hour, cop trailing behind me on 495? I have to say that I felt the latter was far more dangerous and reckless. After I was given my ticket I had to once again evade traffic as I made my way back onto 495 during rush hour. I wonder what the statistics are on people crashing while getting pulled over or the subsequent crashing of passers-by either avoiding the ticketee or just the distraction involved with watching someone else's drama. I didn't share my thoughts with the police officer...
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| Saturday, October 14th, 2006
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1:04 am
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Had a nice relaxing evening watching Howl's Moving Castle with sister and nephew. That movie never ceases to delight me. It was a welcome end to a week filled with all sorts of unexpected twists and turns.
Yesterday I was shocked and saddened by the abrupt firing of my colleague and chum. We had this amazing friendship that two females rarely find in a work environment. We were never catty with one another nor petty or jealous. Despite the fact that our cubicles sat against each other, we never seemed to run out of conversations or words of encouragement when the chips would fall. We'd cover for each other when lunches ran over or when 5:00 would not come soon enough. She always made certain I ate something for lunch and I tried my best to remind her that she wasn't loosing her mind when things around us just didn't make sense. I cried when she walked out of George's office and told me she was "canned". I've never cried at work before. My boss saw me crying and decided he'd comfort me by offering examples of my friend's lack of commitment to the team (moments prior to the firing, she was engaged in a heated discussion with his girlfriend's son which he assured me had nothing to do with his decision). My cubical today was never empty. Seems everyone wanted to make certain I didn't feel alone. I've said it before; I work with an amazing group of people.
On another work-related note, an article I wrote was published in a major industry magazine (2 full pages of my words coupled with technical jargon expertly written by another colleague). I am elated! I refuse to let the fact that my name was not credited as the writer ruin this milestone in my humble existence I cannot deny that seeing my name "in lights" wouldn't bring me further delight but I don't require outside sources for affirmation. This is a personal achievement that I celebrate with myself (and you, dear reader).
Tomorrow I'm heading into the city with sister and nephew to visit the west village. D. will come over in the evening for a last supper of sorts. How is it possible that they are leaving already? I am getting teary just thinking about it....
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| Monday, October 9th, 2006
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4:28 am
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I'm so dreading work tomorrow. Don't get me wrong; I am so grateful to be doing what I am. I am having difficulty going into work daily to make money for a man with zero integrity and a clear lack of respect for everyone (I assume that includes himself). I don't throw these sorts of accusations around lightly. I feel everyone has merit and the right to choose to live and abide by the principles they set for themselves. At the end of the day, our only obligation is to ourselves. I also have the right to choose who to surround myself by and understand that some my feel I lack certain standards they set for people. My boss, lets call him "George", is someone I would distance myself from via a very large acid-filled moat containing sharks and leeches had I met him in the real world. I try to find the good in him; some little spark of kindness, morality - anything. I would quit in a heartbeat if I didn't feel an obligation to the others I work with. They need me, I stay.
I am fortunate to have my sister here to remind me that there is good and love around me. D reminds me that this is only temporary and good things are just around the corner(I am fortunate to have him too).
I guess things could be much worse. I am lucky to be working at all and happy that my workmates make me laugh despite the situation we collectively find ourselves in.
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| Monday, October 2nd, 2006
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11:22 pm
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1:07 pm - hmm
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I escaped from the Dungeon of Natashasim!I looted the Sceptre of Shopping, the Axe of Nothing, the Armour of Politics, the Sword of Wine, the Armour of Final Fantasy, the Dagger of Viszlas and 0 gold pieces. Score: 25 Explore the Dungeon of Natashasim and try to beat this score, or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon... |
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12:20 pm
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I really hate coming up with Slogans.... It seems sometimes they pop into my brain while at other times (ie: Monday mornings) I can't put two words together.
Partnering to something something something
Bringing you blah blah blah
Here's my favorite created by the "slogan generator"
Technology-Lickin' Good.
Not thinking that's such a good one.
Well, despite my best intentions, writing in live journal did not stew up my creative juices.
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| Friday, September 29th, 2006
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12:16 pm - Geek
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My "uber" helm dropped in world of warcraft last night. Maybe if I didn't play so much I'd post more often...
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| Sunday, September 17th, 2006
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1:58 am
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"You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait. You need not even wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choices; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Franz Kafka
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| Friday, September 15th, 2006
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4:12 pm
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My nightly ceremony as of late has been getting into bed and watching tivo'd episodes of Star Trek Next Generation. It is truly better than any sleeping aid any doctor could prescribe (this could have saved me years of therapy). I fall blissfully into sleep mid-way through the second episode without fail. 70% of boys love science fiction. How did I manage to find one that hates it? /sigh
PS - Crushing on Patrick Stewart....
.jpg/170px-Jean-Luc_Picard_(2364).jpg)
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| Monday, September 11th, 2006
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8:31 pm
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I read this post on Daily Gems (posted by manifest_now).
Dr. Seuss gems
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”
Thot I'd share :)
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| Sunday, September 10th, 2006
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11:56 pm
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WOW so long since I posted that I couldn't recall my password!
Had an AMAZING weekend in general. Went to the city Saturday and Cherry Grove on Sunday for the crowning of Miss Fire Island. SOO much fun. It seems there is a direct co-relation between me visiting the city and writing in my journal..
Heard my nephew say "Auntie Natasha" for the first time today and it moved me to tears. I can't believe how well he was able to pronounce my name. I can't wait to see him in person to see these words actually come out of his mouth.
Mum and I are going to the City again on Sunday to visit with Trevor and his mum. It's going to be surrreal to have the 4 of us in the same room after all these years. I feel like I'm 15 again just thinking about it.
I will try to be inspired to write more...
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| Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
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5:22 pm
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Ack I've gotten so many e-mails I thought I'd just post here to catch everyone up on my goings on. Sorry for being so quiet as of late, been very busy.
Been going to the city a bunch over the last few weeks. Trevor and I have reconnected and I couldn't be happier. This weekend is his birthday and some friends are throwing a party for him in the West Village. Should be lots of fun!
I'm writing a ton for various publications. It's more cathartic then financially lucrative, good to flex that creative muscle.
Roomie and I are switching spaces (he's currently on the main floor I on the top). There's more room down there for dogs. Also, it's been tight up here when company comes. He's been a gem and I couldn't be happier. Once the basement is completed we'll have one other member of the household. That should be in a month or so.
I got a great job offer that I'm putting on hold until I find out about my other job interviews. I've been on so many it's starting to feel like a job in itself. I had forgotten how long the hiring process takes, I'm still being considered for jobs I interviewed for 2 months ago! Until then the writing keeps me busy, and I hope to keep it up once I begin working full time.
Hope you're all doing well :)
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| Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
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11:07 am
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Saw Mirrormask on Sunday at this quaint little independant theatre in Huntington. It was surreal and just visually really facinating. Only 2 theatres in the greater New York area are actually showing it. It's a shame...
Josh and I have decided to take our A+ certification and I wouldn't say I'm studying for it as much as I'm staring at the practice questions and trying to make sense of it. It's so much harder than I thought it would be! I'm hoping to take additional certifications after passing (finger's crossed) this one.
Yankees lost last nite, I'm kinda bummed but Josh is really upset. Roomie came upstairs, saw the looks on our faces at the bottom of the ninth and immediately went back downstairs. We were that transparent. Ah well, there's always hockey...
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